When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. -Maya Angelou
One of the hardest things for us women is getting disappointed by people. You hope and hope for a relationship with family members, with friends…you want to connect, but it seems every time you try they make a caustic remarks that burns and re-opens a wound that you wonder how you ever forgot about that wound, and why you ever let them get so close again.
I wrote a letter to a friend a while ago and told her not to waste her time feeling resentment for people… so whenever I feel myself getting ready to feel sorry for myself or be resentful, I read the letter I wrote her:
What exactly is it about [this person] that disappoints you? Is it new? or has it happened for a while?
Pretty much what I’m trying to say is perhaps it’s time for you to change your perception of this person. No one can change them (not even God). No matter how kind, nice, respectful and generous you are to this person, they will not change. They will always be manipulative and selfish. They will always try to manipulate you with guilt and infer that you are the selfish one because you refuse to do what they want you to do…. All you can do is to accept who they are and treat them accordingly. If you don’t expect to have this story-book relationship, then you won’t be disappointed when you don’t.
Don’t waste your time being resentful. Instead think of times they were there for you, and focus on that. Whenever you’re angry and tempted to lash out, focus on that image of them.
See people do what makes sense to them, so to them what they are doing is right. They feel hurt, so they’re lashing out. They feel like they’ve been victimized so they want you to feel their pain, they are scared and weak and feel helpless and they want you to feel as they do, so even if it doesn’t make sense to you, it makes sense to them….Be kind, be generous, be loving…and focus on the good times, but remember who they are, and make your decisions accordingly…
But most importantly pray that you will walk in peace, and for wisdom. True peace comes from God. He asks us to come to him and he will give us rest, he asks us to give him all our troubles and he will give us peace, so pray that you will begin to understand the peace he died to give you, so that no matter what they do…you’ll have peace…
I’m praying for peace for you as you read this. I hope you can let go of whatever it is, or whomever it is that has deeply offended you…
Feel free to leave a comment below or to contact me if you’d like to talk about it.